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Decisions, Decisions

I have been thinking about what to do in 2011 a lot these days.

I think I want to have another baby. There I said it. That would be baby number three. The reasons why I want the baby are not very practical at all.

I really would love to have a baby girl.

 I have two adorable boys but the whole girly girly thing is weighing on my head a lot these days. I would be fine (well disappointed a bit) to have another boy. But I know boys. I love boys. Boys love their mothers. Girl`s are emotional. A girl can be a mom`s friend. I was friends with my mom. I need to try.

Speaking of my mother - I am fearful to tell her what I am thinking because I am pretty sure she would disapprove of me having a third child. She is the king of practical and I know she would definitely think at my age of 37 (going on 38) that this is not very practical at all! But this is my life. Help or no help from my mother I have to live it ``My`` way.

I figure the whole act of trying for a girl would just make me feel better. I would feel like at least I ``tried``. Three children in the house would be fun. Three children in the house would be busy but busy can help with priorities and I hope that it would help me worry less about stuff that just doesn't matter.  I am apart of many threes. I have two step brothers from my father and from my step father. I have two cousins in which we made three.  Three is a re-occurring theme in my life.

So that is the plan as I see it. Girl or no girl. It rests  in god`s hands as far as I am concerned. I feel excited over the possibilities. Of course I am scared too. Next step is calling my OB about removing birth control. These appointments take time so I can still chicken out.

But I worry. Worry about giving up secure work (my leave of absence is up in January), not having maternity leave benefits. I could go back to work to secure another maternity leave but I think it would make me miserable and I really want to rest through the third pregnancy since I had complications the last time and will likely have them again. Of course,  I worry about making the wrong decision. But worst of all to me right now is the regret of not trying. Once the time is gone it is gone. I am not getting any younger. So there you have it. Guess I am just going to keep riding the risk train.

If you have any advice or words of support I would love to hear them. 

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