I Love You Just As You Are


By Stephanie Clark Diary of a Fashion Mommy

On Sunday night I spent the evening prepping for Timbit's (aka my oldest son) "Star Student" of the week presentations for his grade one class.  For each day of the week, he's been given the task to share about himself, tell his favourite jokes, read an excerpt from a book he loves, and bring in items of importance that represent who he is.  While filing through photos that were going to be included on his "All About Me" collage, I started thinking about the type of person my little boy is.  And then it hit me:  He's awesome.

I know - I'm biased being Timbit's mother and all; but really he is, and I'm only publicly acknowledging it now because I have never acknowledged it before in front of other people.  I've heard it from his teachers, hockey coaches, friends, and other parents - and they're not just being nice, because there's a sincerity in the way that each person has told me how amazing my little boy is.  It's not that I didn't believe them - it's more that I have been caught up in the worry of him becoming what I don't want him to be,  than actually seeing him for who he already is.  And so instead of saying thank you when receiving a compliment about what a great kid my son is, I'd guffaw and reply with: "Oh you don't see him at home when he's really being himself." 

Admitting that he's this great kid is tough for me.  I struggle with not wanting to be the mom that brags about her children, while at the same time not wanting to be the mom who bitches and complains either.  I've come to realize that I've been blinded by my fears of what he may or may not be, driven by my ultimate fear of what people will think of him and how he will be treated.  Timbit is sweet, well-mannered, mild tempered, and super nice.  As a matter of fact he's so nice that during baseball, he would say excuse me and run around the opposite teams' players to get onto the bases.

So instead of relishing in moments of pride, I've been so focused on trying to make sure he's not too nice, not too mean, not too talkative, not too quiet, etc...instead of just letting him be.  In some ways, I know he's not like other six-year old kids - especially when I see him on the playground or at school before the bell rings.  Timbit has this naivety about him when it comes to his peers, and yet he's got this old-soul that makes him so aware of the needs of others.  On one hand, he believes in the absolute goodness of other kids that he doesn't understand when they're being mean; and yet, on the other, he has decided to give up his birthday presents to have his friends and family donate to a charity that feeds the poor.

At the end of the day, all these fears that I have boil down to worry.  Something that all parents experience from the first moment we meet our children - and something that doesn't ever leave.  We all worry about how our kids will turn out, whether we're doing the right thing, or if we've done it all wrong; and whether they will be happy about themselves and who they are.  In all this frenzy, we often lose sight of what our purpose is as parents, which is simply to provide acceptance - something that every single one of us wants, needs and deserves.

So instead of trying to create perfection in my kids, I think it's about time I just accept how awesome they already are.

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